02 03 Caitlin Grace Wellbeing Coach: Oh libido where did you go? 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Oh libido where did you go?

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I've written about it before and its likely I will write about it again... and again. Its a topic that seems to generate a lot of interest and we all have differing ideas on what a normal sex drive is and what it is not. Today I came across an old article from the Mamamia website on women who charge their husbands for sex, if they are not in the mood and he wants sex then hand over the money, honey. ( You can read it here http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/some-wives-get-paid-to-have-sex/)

Now I don't know about you but this just makes me sad. Where is the love? Where is the mutual respect? Where is the hot, burning desire for your partner?

I know that we can't all be on the same page at the same time and I know that as women we often have a lot on our plates. I am also sure that the men that we marry  love us and care for us on an emotional as well as a sexual level. I also know the damage that constant rejection has on a man.

We forget that we wield enormous power in our relationships, we can allow or deny our man sex. We can manipulate them with sex and often do ( even when we deny that it is what we are doing).

But we often overlook one important factor - men are emotional creatures just like us. When he is asking us for sex he is opening himself up to a need to connect with us on a different level, he is exposing his vulnerability, his weak spot. When we constantly bat him away we are, in essence, denying him our love. Think about that for a minute.

Maybe he is longing for a sense of closeness to you and the only way he knows to express that is through sex. Men are taught that it is "soft" to want hugs or kisses. Tare taught, repeatedly, through mainstream media that all men want is sex and as women we are programmed to believe the same. We become wary of him touching us because we assume that means he has sex on the brain.

My darling husband was repeatedly called a "horny old goat"by his ex wife. She believed he was only ever after one thing. Now, he could have been an entirely different man then to the one I know now. AllI know is he longs for intimacy and touch and he touches me .... a lot. We sit holding hands to watch tv, he massages my feet or strokes my legs or lies with his head in my lap every night. Does that mean we have sex every night ? No, it means that he loves to feel connected to me through touch.

So how do you connect with your partner so that you both get your needs met?  Having a conversation with your partner is the best place to start. Make sure to really LISTEN to what he has to say. Keep your heart open and drop the defensiveness, Look into his eyes and pay attention and ask that he does the same. Talk aobut your feelings without resorting to "You make me feel..."You should..."etc

What if you just have lost your mojo all together? You are just never in the mood and sex seems like just a chore?
Remember it is your sex drive and it is up to you to reboot it again.
How? Take some time to connect with yourself again, find out what turns you on. Is it the spoken word? Then check out Ear Erotica HERE

Is it he written word? Then check out some erotic fiction such as the Fifty Shades of Grey series.

Still not feeling the tingle? Book yourself in for a massage, spend some time connecting with your girlfriends, go to the movies. Remember what it was like to have time to yourself . Pamper yourself.

Or maybe your  sex life has become just a little run of the mill and you are bored out of your mind. Take control and change your attitude - don't leave it all up to him. Buy yourself some sexy underwear and do a slow reveal for him, send him saucy text to get him revved up and to build the anticipation for both of you.

Ask yourself "What would my Inner Sex goddess do? " then go do that!!

Your sex drive is in your hands - literally! Have a party in your own pants

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