I bumped into two acquaintances in the past week, on two separate occasions. Both greeted me with "You look great!" but one went on to add "Have you lost weight?"
Now I am a big girl. Voluptuous, curvy, Rubenesque, Amazon, fat and obese are all words that get bandied about when it comes to me. And I'm ok with that, what I struggle with is the constant quizzing about my weight, the "Have you lost weight?" questions.
The sad thing is they think they are giving you a huge compliment ( pun intended) but what they are actually saying is that for you to "look good" then surely you must be doing something to reduce your size because surely you can't be happy looking like you currently do.
I watched this video of a stand up comedienne who faces being called fat on a daily basis and the startling discovery she made when she found one of the "trolls"who had been launching a hate campaign against her. truns out he wasn't very happy with his life and was lashing out at her to make himself feel better.
I am thinking that it might just be the case with the acquaintance that I bumped into and the myriad other people that ask me "have you lost weight?"whenever I bump into them. Maybe the issue they have is not with my body but with their own and when they see someone my size looking good and feeling confident then they assume I am doing something to change the way I currently look because that is what they are doing.
I also think part of the issue is how we talk to women in general and it starts from when we are little. we are always complimenting little girls on how cute they look, how pretty until they start to believe that it is the only gift they bring to the table.
What if we took a different approach? What if we stopped talking about our looks all the time and started having conversations about our minds? What if we didn't assume that a fat chick looking great is because she has lost weight but because she is in fact a happy, confident person?
What if we stopped obsessing about those last few pounds that we had to lose and realized that actually, or lives are pretty damn awesome, thank you very much?
What is we, as women, stopped looking at other women for signs of flaws so that we can feel better about ourselves? Stop buying the women's magazines that show images of celebrities with headlines gasping about their too fat/too skinny/cellulite/wrinkles/possible baby bump.
What about if we just started loving ourselves and stopped worrying about what others think of us? A radical concept I know.