Last week Seth Adam Smith wrote blog post explaining the advice his father gave him about marriage. That marriage isn't about you , it is about making your partner happy.
Here's an excerpt " My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With
a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m
going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
And while it made me go "awww sweet" It also got me thinking.
Because marriage is not just about family or making your partner happy or having kids.
No. Marriage is far, far more than that.
Try telling a gay couple that marriage is about the family that they will create. Oh wait, they can't unless they adopt or have a surrogate.
Try telling an infertile couple that they are marrying for a family.
Try telling an older couple that marriage is about creating a family.
Marriage is for sharing your self completely with another human being.
Marriage is about love and commitment.
Marriage is about wanting to spend the rest of your life with the same person, through all the highs and lows.
Marriage is a declaration, to the world that this person, this person standing next to you is the one that you love with your whole heart.
If you enter into marriage aiming to make the other person happy, regardless of your own happiness you will fail. Marriage , great marriage, is about growing together and supporting each other in your paths.
When I married the love of my life we already had 7 kids between us ( 3 sons, mine, four daughters, his) and we had no intention or possibility of having any more.
Our wedding day with 6 of our kids
Did that make us think that marriage wasn't for us?
Our marriage was a way for us to declare to the world that we were committed, to each other and to the relationship.
You see most second marriages fail. Especially when there are kids involved. Don't shoot the messenger! I'm merely quoting statistics.
It took us a long time to get to the point of marrying. We were together 17 years before we married.
And it was well worth the wait. Why?
Because we had worked through our baggage and were more committed to each other than ever.
So, yeah marriage is about way, way more than creating a family or making the other person happy and it definitely is about YOU.
What did you think of Seth's blog? What are your views on what a marriage is? I would love to hear your comments.