There is always one person that you just can't find a gift for.
Often it is our partner but sometimes it can be our parents or a good friend . Even though I said in the title that this gift is the greatest thing you could give your partner it works for other significant people in your life, even your kids. Especially your kids.
This is a clue!
Every one wants to feel special.
To feel that they are loved, lovable and loving.
So how do we give that to people? How do we let them know that they are loved?
Sure, we can tell them but often the words don't sink in, heart deep.
We can show them by doing things for them, but again that can be easily overlooked.
We can buy them things, which is what we all do at Xmas, but how do you convey depth of feeling with a dollar value? Do you even want to?
We can give hugs and touch and this is always a good place to start. although some people find touch uncomfortable as a means of receiving love. Especially if they have issues with past abuse.
These are all worthwhile and loving things to add into any relationship and if you are not already doing them then I suggest you get on to it.
No, what I am talking about is giving your presence instead of just presents.
Being fully present with the people you love means connecting with them, with your eyes, when they are talking. Giving them your full attention. Not just half listening, not thinking of what you are going to say next. Not mentally writing your shopping list or planning on how to fix the clunk in the engine.
Nope, none of that shit.
Just focusing totally on the moment and what is being said, paying attention to the body language and checking in.
Doing this when your 5 year old has something important to share about their day? Priceless gift, because lets face it often we are too busy but if you start this practice with them when they are little they will still come and tell you about their day when they are 15 or 16.
Doing this with your 15 or 16 year old when they are telling you about their latest conquest on Xbox (or Playstation) or when they are telling you about what Brittany said that made them feel like shit and she's such a bitch and .. and ... and? Priceless gift and they will come back again and again to feel validated and heard and possibly even share life changing decisions with you because they know you listen.
Doing this with your parents or in laws when they are in their 70's or 80's and telling you ( again) about their childhood and how different life was back then? Priceless gift because old people need to feel valued too,. Even better? Ask them for advice so they still feel they have something to contribute.
Doing this with your partner as they tell you about their day, in minute detail? Priceless gift and likely to lead to great sex later.
Doing this while having great sex, fully being in the moment, not in your head but connected to your body and your partners body and all the sensations that are taking place, instead of lost in your own little fantasy world? Priceless gift and likely to make the great sex you were having, the best sex you have ever had.
Simple isn't it? Because let's face it we don't really need more things. What we need is a deeper connection with those we love and the easiest way to do that is to give them more of us.
What is the best gift you ever received?Leave me a comment below